I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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