I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
