you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i think my cat just said my name.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
