Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
