then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
