He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
