This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
