I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
