$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
