I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
