fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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