You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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