Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
