Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
