Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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