I was born with a shot glass in my hand
operation have a gay friend backfired
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
