I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
