Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
