Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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