You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
