Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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