dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
