guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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