He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
