I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
