party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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