ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
