I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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