My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
