I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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