sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
