I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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