The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
In America we eat man semen.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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