I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
