The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
