I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
