Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
