so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
