I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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