He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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