If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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