We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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