I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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