ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
