I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
