Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nicole vs. Life
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
