Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
