please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
