why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
