O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
