Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
