No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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