On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
